KOOL Glossary

One Kilo-Watt Brainstorm Glossary

ONE
The only value in a million. The rest are six zeroes.

KILO-WATT
A unit to measure brain power.

BRAINSTORM
Fierce storm that wrecks havoc to the entire inner-zone brain cells.

BRAIN
The Open-Source software that God gives everyone for free. Comes with a sticker that reads: “Fragile – Use At Your Own Risk’.

BRAIN-CELL
A type of creature that lives in the Close-Source software but breeds on emotions and feelings. Eats garbage called data. Sometimes unable to reproduce causing brain-damage. It happens sometimes – almost always.

BRAIN-DAMAGE
Malfunctioned cells and corrupted data in the Close-Source software.

BRAIN-DRAIN
Brain cells that go down the drain.

BRAINY
Wet brain caused by heavy monsoon rain.

BRAINLESS
Corrupted Close-Source software. Awarded and endorsed by the Society Of Super Big Brain or those who think they’ve got some brain.

BRAIN-DEAD
Technical term for ‘conked-out’ brain cell. Reboot won’t make any difference.

MEMBRANE
Nothing to do with brain.

CRAZY
Rhymes with lazy. Closed-Source software that does not respond to command.

IDIOT
Rhymes with riot. Person with no control on his brain cells. Most probably it is the result of some software virus or spy-ware, or mal-ware or any-ware. Could be found anywhere, any time of the year.

MAD
Rhymes with bad. Poor communications between one brain-cell and another.

HAYWIRE
Entangled brain-cells in a cobweb of data-flows, causing bottle-neck.

MORON
A type of retarded brain-cells accumulating in Closed-Source software.

VIDEO
High-tech instrument used for people to make a fool and an idiot of themselves.

MUSIC
A blend of sound and noise made by people who have nothing better to do. Sold by big corporation as a form of therapy to fatigue and loneliness to unsuspecting people.

TV
A box wrongfully labelled idiot. The person who watches it is the actual idiot.

MOVIES
A succession of still photographs moving at rapid speed causing severe headache and eyesore.

ANIMATIONS
Animals in motion. Invented by our ancestors to drive away herds to the breeding ground. Also used by big entertainment corporation to tell funny story to kids and adult alike.

HI-TOP PC
Manufactured in the form of a human head. Comes in various sizes and shapes with various kilobytes of input and/or output. Enclosed with Open-Source software shipped by God’s servant The Woman.

SOFTWARE
Soft-spoken and user friendly programme. But be aware or be Adware!

PROGRAMME
A unit to measure laziness and craziness together. Usually reads ‘No Programme’ : applies mostly to loiters, drunkards, nuts, morons, idiots, etc. Also applies to some Closed-Source programmer.

USER-FRIENDLY
A type of brain-cell that does not bark or bite, unlike dog or human.

NETWORK
A device that catch work that slips or wriggles away.

PASSWORD
Word to pass around.

HI-TECH
Multi-storey technology, built by people who do not understand and have zero knowledge about architecture.

WEB
A trap set-up to catch unlucky surfer.

WWW
Global trap set-up to catch electronic-addicts.

NERD
A person who behaves like a PC.

HACKER
A person with hack and saw. Usually a nerd.

LOG-IN
Cut-down timber ready for sawmill.

LOG-OUT
Useless timber.

INTERNET
A type of net used to play computer game.

486
The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

STATE Of The ART
Any computer you can’t afford. Usually reserved for the eccentrics.

OBSOLETE
Any computer you own, or any of your company’s computer.

MICROSECOND
The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

G3
Apple’s new Macs that make you say “Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago.”

SYNTAX ERROR
Walking into a computer store and saying “Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.”

HARD DRIVE
The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, especially after a Syntax Error.

GUI
What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.

KEYBOARD
The standard way to generate computer errors. Also used to keep a spare key.

MOUSE
An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate. It is also a type of animal living together stealthy with human.

FLOPPY
The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer. Also implies to students who fail to generate enough credit-hours.

THUMB-DRIVE
Missing the nail while hammering.

PORTABLE COMPUTER
A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips. Also to give thieves better opportunity to sharpen their skills, thus becoming better at their profession.

DISK CRASH
A typical computer response to any critical deadline. Does not need another party to do the crashing.

POWER USER
A user with a power to destroy any PC and its software.

SYSTEM UPDATE
A quick method of trashing all of your software, especially the Close-Source applications.

REBOOT
Recycled Left or Right Boot.

WEIRD
A misunderstood genius.

GENIUS
The person who compiled and authored this KOOL Glossary. He He He. Tsk! Tsk!!

AisKOOL
KOOL as Ais.

“The ability to laugh at oneself is an admired trait. Not everyone could muster it, and not everyone has the talent to master it.” – AisKOOL 2008 –